Mind, Body, Spirit

Mind, Body, Spirit

I have had a constant battle with body image and shame from when I was a little girl. It wasn't that I thought I was ugly all the time. This is different than what I have read about with other women.

The first time I was touched inappropriately, I quickly told someone whom I trusted. This was the day and age of Television Shows spotlighting their "very special episodes" of good touches and bad touches that seemed to be fixed in 24 minutes and the victim is automatically back to normal life and has no problem related to that ONE TIME touch. Wow... if only. 

When something happened to me and scared me, I immediately went and told someone that I trusted. Their response was, "Sometimes, It's hard being a Pretty Girl."  I now realize that in that moment, I related being attractive to being unsafe. I would put on pretty dresses, fix my hair, play with makeup, and have this conflict of feeling amazing yet, I can't do this because someone will hurt me. This started at the age of 6 or 7. 

A conflict of this moving into puberty was quite a mind twist. My breasts grew at the age of 10. I got my period at the age of 11. I was tall. Men looked at me and I didn't know how to manage or even understand. I covered up, yet I wanted to be appealing and dress creatively and dance and flutter and all of this hurt at the same time. How could something that felt so natural to me hurt so bad? I was an alien in my body. Add on the environment of codependency and alcoholism it is a wonder that I am chemically sober. Food has been my addiction. 

I believe I am ready to change all of this. I feel more comfortable in my own skin than I ever have. At 45, I now feel spiritually aligned and emotionally centered. I am not ready to give up the crutch of my weight/food/inner/outer/conflict.  I am allowed to be healthy. I am now taking comprehensive steps in creating a body of health and alignment that shows. Thank you for being a part of this, specifically in reading my blogs, watching my social media, and investing in my resources. 

Happy First of July, All!


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